The art of making a bad movie

I am back! It’s been ages since my last post and the reasons behind my self imposed sabbatical are many and quite distinct from one another – lack of time, dearth of topics, soaring oil prices and world peace for instance. Since there is no point crying over split milk, I’ll instead spill the beans – the main reason why I quit blogging was coz I was waiting – waiting with bated breath for the release of Surya’ latest movie, Ghajini (Even though no evidence… he kills… for one reason… LOVE)

For those of you frowning at that tagline(s), I swear I am not making it up. It comes in the film’s trailer. Anyways, I saw the movie recently. And much to my chagrin, I found that the wait was no where near worth it – the film is as hopelessly incoherent and as unintendedly funny as the tagline itself! That the film is running to packed houses and will become a runaway hit is immaterial.

To say that this movie is ‘inspired’ by Memento would be doing a huge disservice to the cult classic that established the novel reverse narrative technique. The hero who was clubbed on the head when his wife was killed suffers from short term memory loss – can’t remember things beyond fifteen minutes. And hence, writes things on his house walls, tattoos vital information on his body and uses a Polaroid camera to click away faces that he can’t commit to his own memory. Armed with these aids, he seeks to take revenge on his wife’s murderers. While retaining most of this in the Tamil version, the director has done away with the reverse narrative which would have left the average Tamil audience quite confused and irritated no end. It is amazing how a director who can show so much common sense ends up punctuating his film with so many obvious flaws that leave one laughing at the stupidity of it all.

Ghajini is replete with enlightened characters – to begin with the nameless police man who after peering closely at the numbers tattooed on Surya’s body makes a connection that would put John Nash to shame – ‘indha numberla 10 digit irukku.. So idhu oru cell phone numbera irukkumnu nenaikkaren’. Last heard, the cop and the director were filling the application forms for Mensa.

Next in the list of caricatures – medical student Nayantara who probably read too much of Nancy Drew in her free time. Her quest for knowledge is so awe-inspiring that she will go to any extent to do a case study on the short term memory loss patient – not heeding warnings from her professor who says it could land her in deep trouble since the police are involved. Such commitment should be lauded. Especially when it’s coupled with her ‘extra-curricular skills’ that include doing a raunchy item number in the name of college culturals. (Now, the self appointed moral police of Tamil Nadu should see THAT! And how Nayantara managed to triple her size since Chandramuki is the million dollar question.)

But as the movie ambles along, she reveals more shades to her multi-faceted character. The most predominant of all being her stupid unpredictability and predictable stupidity. To begin with, she tells Surya she’s there to help him and then snoops into his house when he’s not around. When she sees the photos and realizes Surya is going to kill the ‘villain’ (for more on ‘villain’ refer later stages of the post), she calls villain up and informs him about the danger to his life. Next, she does a bit of dare-devilry to get Surya into police clutches. And the moment he is released she goes back to him and reminds him about the guy he is seeking to kill – the same guy that she tried to save from him in the first place!

Next up on the jokers list – the muscled cop who does not even know how to tie a person to a chair. Having found out that Surya is responsible for the recent murders, the cop breaks into his house to attack and arrest him – and then ends up running for his life from the house coz Surya chases him out, unarmed, mind you! To make the scene funnier than it actually is, Nayantara follows Surya and the three run on the roads of Madras in a three way chase set to Harris Jeyraj’s jarring background score. The comedy is cut short by an inopportune bus that runs over the cop, thus terminating a character that must make Tamil Nadu police feel quite insulted.

But the single biggest joker in the movie is the comedian – at first sight he might seem to be the villain of the movie, but that’s just the director’s attempt to play with the psyche of the movie-goer. God knows where this sensational talent was unearthed by the director – coz u must really dig deep in the rubble and garbage to find such extraordinary performers.

The film begins with a murder. And along with the police guys, you find villain and his gang also investigating. If only the police were always so accommodating. Next up, you find villain (his credentials yet to be established in any sense, mind you) is the chief guest at a college function. He watches Nayantara’s belly dance from the front row along with his menacing looking henchmen – god save the students of that college. Villain next up gives us an insight into his nefarious activities, thus establishing him as villain. Yet he lives in the middle of the city in a huge mansion where anyone can approach him – in fact even college students know he lives there. A villain with a difference really! It’s at this stage of the movie that you begin to feel really flummoxed by the events around you.

Once villain comes to know that surya is after his life, he is on the guard. He does this by getting into an Ambassador car with three of his baddies and waiting at one end of the street. The other end is guarded by the remaining baddies in another car. In the deep dark of the night, as the gang lies crouching in wait for their tormentor, villain takes his walkie talkie and utters these pearls of wisdom for the guards at the other end of the street – ‘alerta irunga. Avan andha side vandha neenga sudunga… indha side vandhaa naanga sudarom’. Now, if only Scotland Yard formulated such fool proof strategies!

And still, Surya manages to thwart their vigil – How, is left to our imagination. He just jumps over the compound wall into the house – probably used some secret underground passage or teleported himself in.

At this point, the director plays the double bluff – villain has a twin brother (villain2) and Surya is totally confused by the photos he sees inside villain’s house, as indeed are we. End result he is caught by the police and the police call villain to identify him coz they find his ‘cell’ number tattooed on his body. And for some inexplicable reason, villain tells the police, ‘ivan ennoda friend thaan’. Later villain gets a chance to kill surya when the latter is unconscious and alone, but chooses not to – the reason behind this sound decision – ‘naan police kitta ivan yen friendunnu sollitten, adhanaala ivan setha yen mela thaan sandhegam varum.’ Logic of the highest order – remember everyone suspecting Duriyodhana when Karna was killed? (“I knew it.. it has to be him.. its an open and shut case man! He is his best friend, isn’t it obvious?”)

Things move at a feverish pace – to the climax scene. Nayantara’s hostel is converted into a WWF ring with lot of water (rule 43.2 of Tamil cinema – it will rain). Villain and Villain2 enter the hostel and wreak havoc, killing a girl, yet the 5000 odd remaining inmates don’t call the police – I guess there was a cell phone ban imposed in that hostel. Finally Surya comes there with Nayantara, who finally decides to take sides with him and implores him to kill both villains. Surya duly obliges with some flying kicks and some mere flying alone. Why this obsession for the Matrix culture? Why, OH WHY?????

I’ve left out certain parts of the movie (read, the flash back) in this write up. Those parts are genuinely good. Surya rocks and Asin’s performance is a pleasant surprise. In those scenes Ghajini matches up to Khakha Khakha, but the rest of it is…. Well…

If any of you understand the last scene of this movie, please enlighten me. And why this film is called Ghajini – coz from what I remember the great Mughal conquerer was neither forgetful nor seeking revenge.

Verdict – Surya wastes one year of his career acting in a mockery of a movie. My heart goes out to him… and to myself coz the damn ticket cost me 80 bucks :(